The downfalls of flirtatiously texting presented themselves last night.
It’s R again. Law student that he is, he has the ability to hold and control conversation in a direction that flatters himself as well as myself. Thus I return for more everytime.
I am jealous, confused about this situation. What are his intentions? What has he hold his friends? Who am I presented as?
Yesterday I found he was tagged in several photos from a formal dinner. Looked dashing. Claimed he had met some “random girl who kept tagging me in photos”. Apparently she had “dry conversation” and then complimented me for being able to match his banterous statements.
That’s code for switching the perspective to limit my a) judgement b) uninterest c)jealousy d) requirement for explanation e) presentation of being an outrageous flirt.
Why? I hung out with his friends who have on multiple accounts said the same thing about C.
Oh also, he was tagged in a post “why assholes love watches” by CB, who is known for being an outrageously charming woman. So when I saw her name and her comments, I was taken aback.
I was irritated.
I was suspicious of him
- Ostentatious watch post by CB
- “random girl”
- “I talk to girls who can match me”
I wanted to know what he thought about me so obviosly I made the conversation awkward to have the chat about his intentions with me when I come up to his university next week for a tour. He spoke about how he’s against messy nights and that he would prefer to keep girl friends as friends to protect a friendship. Which I 100% agree with. But then conversation turned to a clear explanation of our intentions. Removes all fliratious excitement.
What are my intentions with being friends with R? Talking to him? I was presumptuous to think that I would ever have a more serious thing with him. Premature.
I love the way he expresses himself. Consise. Focused. Meaningful. I have noticed I write with basic language. Speak even less coherently. Language is a barrier that I desire to overcome.
What makes good language? What is the importance of elocution. Elocution provokes response. Why is my vocabulary so weak? Because I don’t read enough.
I found a glossary of positive nouns that should help me express myself effectively. The main aim is to use at least three word in a verbal and written conversation and gradually grow my usage.
Am I too attached? Maybe.
I feel like i have no support group
But I do
But I dont talk to my friends enough to keep them updated with what i am doing
What if they’re not interested in what im doing?
It seems like everyone has a plan.
They all know their intentions. Purposes. Goals.
I need goals.
I need a plan
A long term plan.
First step: Talk with purpose, authority and intention.