Another blog post is overdue.
I have found that I observe people more and more rather than participating. While reading Pride and Prejudice, I notice myself taking notes on mannerisms and the response of other people, particularly in scenes where daughters converse about potential husbands. (see below for brief analysis)
I have also thought a great deal about The Canadian Guy. We’ve been out, we’ve been to first, but not a great deal more. Signs: eyes open, see him more as a good friend, I think I have platonic feelings for him rather than romantic. In fact, I learnt about this feeling with the F situation, and want to avoid a repeat. Rate him 7/10. I’m also aware of the lack of topics I can talk about (maybe because I don’t do enough?) I feel so guilty about this, because he is a great guy and I want to spend more time with him but at the same time I don’t want to give him too many ideas.
I have had virtually no action with anyone. Should I? I don’t want to end up as a third year with no experiences, while similatneiously I am protect my virginity for some unknown reason.
I used to think I got on with guys more, but the situation has changed. the more time I spend with guys the more ideas they get even if I don’t want to be anything more! And then I begin to question, should I pursue something in order to experience? I worry about what they would say to my friends.
Another thing I have learnt at DUni are the different types of friendships. Exhibit A: Nikki who wanted me to help her with her essay is a course friend who wanted me to send her recordings. LOL NO. Exhibit B: Kam, who I think I will actually be friends with. She gets shit done and doesn’t care what people think of her yet is open and kind and has nothing to hide. Exhibit C: Course Guys are so fucking annoying. Exihbit D: when I meet new people I automatically assume that they know other people who have a negative impression of me, so I don’t talk to much (a downward spiral). Exhibit E: we don’t have to like people in roles of JCR socs, but I need to have a rapport with them.
I don’t feel like I have made a proper group yet, I’m in a house yet I dont feel included BECAUSE I DONT MAKE AN EFFORT WITH THEM TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEM. I worry now because K, An and Susie, are going on a ski trip, Rach is irrelevant, M is very very quiet and Rosie does loads of sport, other than that I don’t really know what she does, but she’s close to N P-G. I don’t know these girls very well at all, and now S and K will be quite close. Am I missing out? Experiences yes, but I can still make an effort with them.
FIGURE OUT WHAT MOTIVATES PEOPLE TO SPEND TIME WITH ME
- essay, work
- interesting stories
- PLANS!- but not stupid ones like inviting the entire hallway to something and not talking to my hall mates. lololol
Several things I think I need to work on this coming term is my organisation, keeping arrangements and general time management. I feel like my standards have slipped in these soft skills.
- Action: use my black task book and daily diary to plan my day and week, and copy into iCalendar. Print a weekly calendar for my desk. Use my wall calander. Remember that the brain needs time to relax. Go to bed at 11pm on non-club out days. Organise bonding sesh on most evenings. Get my reading done before uni starts again. GET SOME DECENT GARMENTS. Finally, stop stressing about everything! As long as I look presentable and can be positive, and talkative everything will be ok!
Why I don’t talk a lot
- lack of vocab
- lack of experiences (uhh questionable)
- “I don’t know what to say”
- Fear of being judged
- I don’t have a very good social filter
- Stressed about work
- I don’t appreciate the present
I want to return to uni with a new perspective, I want to be kind, open, and funny. I want to be organised. I want to be a better room mate which includes giving her some time in the room alone as well. I want to be more respectful, more driven, understand what is going on in the JCR and friends.
Quotes from Jane Austin’s “Pride and Prejudice” that mean something to me: